When #Sorry Isn’t Enough

What is sorry – feeling distress, especially through sympathy with someone else’s misfortune; or feeling regret or penitence;

What is penitence – the action of feeling or showing sorrow and regret for having done wrong; repentance.

Can one simply say, “I’m sorry” when they have caused someone harm;

Can one simply say, “I’m sorry” when they cause someone harm over and over and over again;

Can one simply say, “I’m sorry” when the harm caused is irreparable;

Can one simply say, “I’m sorry” when the recipient is unwilling to accept;

Can one simply say, “I’m sorry” and keep operating in a behavior that is harmful;

The Bible says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

Apologizing is a way of recognizing our sins. It has a way of clearing the air between people and between you and God. When people apologize, they look for forgiveness for their sins. Sometimes, it means apologizing to God for the ways we have wronged Him.

Is there a difference between saying I’m sorry or apologizing – Saying sorry simply expresses your personal feelings about something. Apologizing implies that you are accepting the responsibility of the fault or mistake as well as expressing your regret about it. This is the main difference between sorry and apology.

When saying “sorry” didn’t work, I had to ask myself, “Lord, what is it You want me to do, what do You expect of me, what am I supposed to learn here. It was then that I received a call and the caller said to me something about Jesus saying He would create division between mother and daughter. I thought to myself, wow, I never read that or should I say that I read it but never paid any attention to it – until I found myself in a position where there was strife between me, my daughter and my mother and simply saying, “sorry” just didn’t seem like it was enough…

Not Peace but Division

Jesus said, 49 “I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! 50 But I have a baptism to undergo, and what constraint I am under until it is completed! 51 Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. 52 From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three. 53 They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.”

Jesus would stress the cost of discipleship with these words:
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26-27)[2]
Jesus is not teaching emotional hatred for family members, but making it very clear that all relationships must be secondary to following him. Even parents, even a wife or husband, even children, even brothers or sisters, none of these could be first in their lives . Every loyalty and every love – even of a disciple’s own life – must be less than love for him. “Whoever does not carry their cross” – whoever will not die to every other loyalty – “cannot be my disciple.”

…above all else Christ must come first, a hard pill to swallow but a necessary medicine nonetheless…

#Zoey 2021 – 2021

She would have been a year old tomorrow…

You think about the moment it will happen after you reach a certain age. You think of all the things you’re going to do and say. You imagine those precious moments where it’s just the two of you and the smile you receive after you have taught a valuable lesson you hope it will last for years to come. You think of all the things you did wrong, all the wrong turns you took in your own life. You think of all the things you should have done and said. You remember those awful moments you had in your life – those mistakes that try to haunt you forever. Then the moment comes when your daughter says, “Mom, I’m pregnant!” You hear her say it and you’re filled with joy and pain simultaneously. You see my story isn’t so pretty, with great memories of a husband, a baby shower, a college fund, and great outings with grandparents. I made some very wrong turns in my life and it took me – for what seems like a lifetime to recover. Just when I thought I had it all together, the enemy came in like a flood and took me back to those long dark nights of pain. Then I escaped with the hand of God. Yeah, so when I heard those words I was frightened, fearful and joy was trying it’s hardest to seep through the darkness. One day – I smiled and thought to myself I’m going to be the best grandma ever! I thought about all the things I was going to say, the many times I would go against my daughter’s wishes and spoil that baby (just like my mother did). I thought about the times I would have to be a strong tower of faith for those moments when her child would give her grief. I wanted to do for that baby what I missed doing for my baby girl…

I watched her take great care dressing the warmer. She was so loving and thoughtful. I was both in awe and cringing with regret – you see I didn’t always deliver such loving and tender moments with my daughter. The enemy had me caught in the grips of addiction and fear. I watched her gently ask my daughter questions about her desires for the pictures and I would be remiss if I didn’t mention how she delivered the disclosure about “next steps” as only someone who embodied great love and compassion for another human. Oh my, the floodgates have finally been released as I try and finish this story…

You see I just want to thank God even for the not so good moments and I’ve had some pretty awesome moments with my daughter. I remember picking put her name long before I ever wanted children.

But this story is really about the pain I’ve endured at the loss of granddaughter after my daughter delivered a still born baby. The things I would have told her, shared with her, taught her, let her get away with.

I love you Zoey – good night my love… happy first birthday

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